Be Confident

From this blog on, I’ll try to update everyday to record. Such posts will be tagged with ‘Diary’. Additionally, I might start writing in Chinese and translate.

English

Confidence really matters.

For a long time, I’ve lacked confidence. There may be many reasons for this: being overweight during puberty, feeling dissatisfied with my appearance, and the overwhelming pressure in high school. Even though I studied at a pretty prestigious high school, I rarely felt that the people around me were smarter than me — sometimes, I even felt the opposite. But I think the main reason is that I was never pushed very hard by others, especially my parents. So in order to keep improving, I ended up constantly “pushing” and criticizing myself, often too harshly. Over time, this became a habit. I began to instinctively doubt and deny myself. Gradually, it turned into a kind of inner demon.

A few days ago, after chatting with a friend from middle school, I suddenly realized that I not only deserve to be confident, but have every reason to be. In terms of appearance, I may not be extremely handsome, but I’m at least decent-looking. In terms of physique, although I’m still far from fully satisfied, I’m steadily improving. In terms of academics, I believe I’ve surpassed more than 90% of my peers. In terms of personality, apart from being too hard on myself, I’m almost perfect. So why shouldn’t I be confident?

Confidence and humility are never opposites, yet I used to think they were. So I used humility and joking self-importance to cover up my inferiority. But over the past few days, after changing how I see myself, I’ve found that I haven’t lost motivation at all. Instead, I’ve gained a new kind of drive — one that comes from genuine self-acceptance and a sense of fulfillment fueled by self-love and personal growth.

In the days ahead, I hope I can maintain this mindset.

中文

自信真的非常重要。

一直以来我都太不自信了。这可能有很多原因，比如青春期的时候身材太胖，对自己容貌不满意，上了高中感觉压力太大（不过尽管是在七中，我也基本没有觉得过身边的人都比我聪明，甚至相反）等。但我觉得主要原因是没有人给过我太多的压力（比如，我的父母），而我为了不断进取，就不得不不断pua自己，大多时候都过了度。久而久之，就成了一种惯性，导致我下意识的去怀疑甚至否定自己。渐渐的似乎成了一种心魔。

前几天和初中一个朋友出去聊天，我才发现，我应该且完全有资格自信：论外貌，我不说顶帅，至少也算是清秀；论身材，虽然确实还远没有达到满意，但正在稳中向好；论学习，我自认已经超越百分之九十同龄人；论性格，我除了对自己太坏可以说是完美。。。总之，我为什么不自信呢。

自信和谦虚从来不是对立面，而我以前却是这么认为的，因此用谦虚和开玩笑式的自大来掩饰自己的自卑。然而这两天经过对自己看法的改变，我发现我不仅没有失去动力，反而有了新的做事的动力，那就是发自内心的对自己的认可以及由自爱驱动的对自己成长的成就感。

以后的日子，希望我能保持这种心态。